Remember When?

So, today as I was thinking, I looked at the date Sep 7th. For some reason I like to reminisce about the past month to the past year in my life, and think remember what I was doing a year ago, what my life was like? Where my life was heading?

Well, it is hard to imagine that this past year has flown by, I remember the days like it was yesterday that a year a go this month I met with an AIM representative for an interview, it was the step of obedience that God had miraculous planned before me. Who knew, my life would come around a year later and be here in Nairobi. That night we met it was about being open to where God had called me to be, my list was a little too specific, but as I look back, God had given me the clear direction of where I was called to be. That night, I was specific that God wanted me to be in Kenya, in a urban place, near to my family. I was told that I needed to be way more open in being called to a semi rural place, and any country around Kenya. Who knew that in my searching and listening to God, that He knew all along I knew what was being called of me. Here I am in Nairobi, 45 minutes from my family and in the city!!

I like to say that my life changed over night, that is what it felt like, but more so, my life was a gradual change to be here. The question that I often hear from many here, mainly the younger missionaries, is what made you come here at this stage in your life.

Well, as I am learning I am no spring chicken, coming overseas as a single female is not rare, but it is rare when you have a life routine established back home, and not expressing a call to missions until now. Some people have known their whole life that this is what they wanted to do.

Many of you have heard this story, but I thought I would get this out for those that are stuck in the rut of what their life is. I know that missions is not for everybody, it isn't for the faint of heart, but even as an encouragement for myself included, I wanted to share my story.

When people ask me about missions, I would say, you know I never had an interest in doing missions. That was always the fartherest thing from my life, I went to a bible college, where they assumed that I was interested in missions, I was very clear that I wasn't the one going on missions, and left it like that. I supported people that were called and felt that my ministry in the church was my calling. Ministry to me was serving in your church, missions to me was evangelizing to the lost.

Well, God had a plan for me, as I served God more in my home church of Center Street, I heard God, and a calling to Kenya was eventually slightly getting more evident. I pushed it aside and wasn't sure why and if this was possible. In the days of planning a trip to come out to Kenya, God asked me "What more?" What more are you willing to give? I was like come on God, you know that I am serving you in all that I do at Center Street and in Axis? Why would you call me for more? So once I made it to Kenya, I asked God, if you want me to do more, You will make it more clearer to what needs there are here for me to consider.

God has a sense of humour, oh yes, every day, I gave Him the day, to open my eyes, and to see a need. Every day, God was a quiet God, and there was nothing, no more direction then "this is the place I want you to be". That year was the year of the elections of Kenya, 2007, violence and crisis hit the nation, my heart watched the corruption and wondered how I would want to be a part of it.

Well, nothing changed in my heart, by May at the Axis spring retreat, God let me realize that I need to take that step to be obedient, not let the step fall into my lap. I got serious about the application form that I had for AIM, I filled it out, and then waited. I held onto that form and prayed, ok I prayed hard. There was lots in my life that I was going to be sacrificing, surrendering my all to God. My job, my ministries, my life, my car (a small detail), my family, and my dear sister too!

I took each of these God in prayer, my job was the biggest thing that I realized that I would let it hold me back, I figured with that out of the way, I was good. But it was my job, I gave my life to my job, I know, it became my idol. I would faithfully get up at 2 am when the alarm company called, I would work late because the office was quieter then, and the toilets didn't overflow. As I was feeling around in asking the possibilities, little did I know what God had been preparing the way. There was a lady that I had been working with that I had asked her what she thought about taking off sometime to pursue missions, she was like why let a company hold you back from fulfilling a dream that you have. The next week, she resigned to pursue her dream of law enforcement. The next week after, I was talking to my manager, and I was telling her of someday that I would want to go back, then I dropped it and said I was thinking of going for 3 months, perhaps 6 months. Her reaction, how about you go for a year, you might as well.

The next was the ministry that God had me serving in at Center Street, yes this is a a no brainer, but there was lots that I was doing, all very much replaceable positions but I loved what I did, being a part of Axis lead team, connections, retreats, Axis, small groups. Was I ready to give up my comfort? As I gave this to God, people started to emerge, not tons, but the support of people that knew was overwhelming and encouraging. I knew that God was in control and that I couldn't worry about it. That Fall was my final last retreat I was going to plan, yes, after years of saying it...it was true. I planned my final retreat, and looked back to see that God had promised a year of surprises if I was faithful. You see the year before this all I gave up a lot so I could listen to God, knowing that He had a plan for me, but I was faithful in to want to listen to this, to go where God leads me, to follow where he wants me. That year at camp, I spoke about surrendering your life to God, it was amazing, it was God, in that I have followed in His steps.

All the small details came into place, most were material but I could and will live with out. I then thought of my sister, Jennine, as being the supportive big sister, I asked God to take care of her, that summer she started dating a wonderful guy, Rick. I would say Rick was an answer to prayer, he would probably not concur but he was what my sister needed. His heart of kindness and out pouring of love was one thing at a time Jennine would think that she doesn't deserve, but she is special enough that she deserves more love than she knows it.

My list was taken care of by August, God was able to secure my heart on the next step of the journey. The time for the application to be submitted was there, there was a peace and assurance that I would not choose a life any different.

The day after I mailed my application, my manager, resigned. Talk about timing, instead of freaking out, ok, I did freak out, for about five minutes, but then I asked God, what are you up to? I saw God in this, He didn't answer but I knew He was up to something.

About two weeks later, I was being interviewed with AIM. A month later I was accepted with AIM, and a month after that I had a phone call from Nairobi, Kenya, a position was offered as the Admin Assistant at International Services. Two weeks later, at 6:00 on a Tuesday morning, I was very ill, oh and I might add I could barely talk, I had a phone interview, one that I wasn't prepared for or knew was happening with Alan, the director of IS. Next thing I knew, I had a position that needed to be filled immediately. Work began on my work visa, being told that it could be issued in six months or so, there was time, or so I thought.

The next four and a half months were a blur, for one my work duties were changing, our company was changing. There were layoffs, position changes, people leaving, disgruntled people, and overwhelmed people. As I was expecting to hand off my workload, it increased to about ten times the work that I had been doing.

I was excited to go, and people reminded me that sometimes things got worse before they would get better. I was like I know that it will get better, I know it.

Well, April happened, I think. Well all I could remember about it was, I was there, and then it was May, and then I was gone. Seriously, from the time April happened, I found out that my work visa was issued in March, no one knew about it as it was missed place. I got a budget to work with, got the money, and then I was gone. Seriously, in less than a month, I was gone, I wouldn't say I was packed, only mom knows how hairy that was. But when God is moving, you better be on board to move with Him.

I have been here in Kenya for the past four months, eight months to go. God is allowing me to realize that He provides for everything. After many struggles, I can see Him in it all, from stresses that I didn't foresee, to concerns that I know that God will take care of. I know that God has control on my life, especially if I allow Him.

I look back and think to see if I let the hand of fear take over in my life, where would I be right now? If I didn't think I could do this, or if I allowed myself to believe that God wasn't real to me. If I let the fear of rejection get in the way, fear of asking for money get in the way, fear of change, fear that my pride of being too good to live in a different culture and not being appreciative of what I have, to want more material things to get in the way. Where would I be today?

Remember when, God invites you over, you may knock and no one is home, you may knock and that door will be open to you, with endless possibilities and dreams that you thought were unattainable. Walk though it, and remember when, God called, He left that message for you to follow.

Fears are only to get in the way of what you really can do, you can do all things in Christ that gives you strength. The faith to follow through so you can walk the walk and not just talk the talk.

Matthew 28:20 not only says to go, but He reminds us..."I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Be blessed, and let me challenge you, what is holding you back from following God? what is holding you back from following your dreams?

Fear, pride, only hurts yourself, go after what you want to attain, you will only fall in the process, but the good news is that you can get up and try harder to be who you are, not who people want you to be!