It could...always be worse...

Let me tell you how God is good...

So during this period of Lent...I usually don't believe in the practice...not that I don't think it is good but I don't think I have much that distracts me from God...or that I put first and foremost to Him...besides sleep...and even at that..I don't get as much sleep as I need. But this season I took a different spin on it. At the beginning of Lent, our team took our volunteers on a day retreat...a time out of the city and into solitude, and silence...and a reflection of God. The plans that he has for us...and the heart of surrender we are willing to do for Him.

Some of the things I felt God speaking to me about was what my future has for me, healing for my heart, and a reminder that I am a Child of God, that He truly loves me for who I am...and who He made me to be, He is my Father.

Lamentations 3:22-28

I thank God everyday for the challenges He has allowed me to face, the unknowns, the hurts, and the lost relationships. Without all that I am not the person I am today. I am not hard in my emotions (avoiding them), I am not sheltered, and I have true lovingly friends and family in my life. Have you just been quick to get frustrated at God when all these things don't work out? Do you lose patience that God doesn't have the best for you at times. Worry and being upset...doesn't help God in His plans for you...the plans that are held in an open hand...in your open hand. Discernment and wisdom is given from Him, we are allowed to screw up, that is what makes our God loving, and offering forgiveness, no matter what. Seeking God in all that He has for you...is rewarding!

I am usually quick to take things personally, words and actions hurt me. I get frustrated easily...I wonder why people are so stupid. I know that I am not perfect...I have stupid moments too...but really... I can be too logical...black is black...white is white. In my time of Lent...I thought I am going to work on my attitude...I gave to God that I wanted to be a Cheerful Giver, giver of me, my time and resources. In other words I didn't want to be selfish of what I hold on to...for me. Yep, I prayed for patience and peace for all I am working on and not to get frustrated.

So...you know...praying for patience is often...the 'careful what you pray for' oh well let me tell you...as we are wrapping up with Lent...my patience of course has been tested...but the frustration part...not my finest hour! And you know...it could always be worse! There were a few moments...of you got to be kidding me?? I will tell you...ordering pizza has never been so difficult these last few weeks, moments between Darcy and I have been tested, issues and accusations have flown my way and in other worlds, working relationships have become stronger...miracles have happened. I have seen God work in amazing ways...and in the midst of it all...I have planned some amazing events this last month that really I have seen God at work in. I can say that God has brought together answers that I will never order pizza from a certain company, and Darcy and I have figured each other out in a few more ways. But God has been good, and He has been steadily making me stronger.

In the midst of it all...the speed bump came in and I was reminded that I need to look after myself and my heart. I thought in all that was happening I could be strong...and move on. God reminded me that I had to allow myself to be selfish at times, that I don't have to put a smile on my face and say that I am fine, and that I have be strong for anyone, and a moment of being real...with yourself and others...is a step of healing. I let me see one of my weaknesses...that I can pretend that I am good, when in reality...I hurt inside. I can try to distract myself...but I am only hurting myself. I learned that about myself...I had a moment of unravelling in the midst of life this last month. I saw myself freak out over small details of the event I was planning, I got overwhelmed and realized that I needed to deal with stuff. Avoidance is easy when you are busy...busy with life, people, or a fun job...that you totally don't have time to think. Time to think is good...it hit me and when it did...it hit me hard. A year of pent up tears came out...a year of living in fear and realizing the freedom that I had in that...can be a relief! It is like mourning a lost...this weekend...I found myself looking back at good memories at a period in my life that I thought...was the worse. It is a time of healing...

So that is where God has me in recent days...this time of Lent has been reflective and growing...for me!