What I have Learned in the First Year of Marriage

- Communication is key
- Love Languages are important
- Food is the way to a man's heart
- Newly Wed 15 is true (gaining 15 lbs in the first year of marriage)
- What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

Leaving and cleaving honouring parents and respecting the new couple

So it comes to the point in wedding planning that the families start to stress out!  I think that they are just as panicked as it comes to those getting married, are we ready for this. 

The hardest thing for a mother to do, is to let their children grow up.  Sure it happens but meanwhile, they are convinced while they are still not married, they still have the sense of parenting a child.  My mother, it is almost daily, we have a great conversation as friends, and then something turns in her, and I am being scolded for moving a box, or for washing the dishes the wrong way.  Then the best is that she tries to tell me what do because that is the best way to do it!  Then comes wedding planning.  I have come to practice the phrase, "Thanks mom for the advice, but Darcy & I are planning our wedding, we will do what we feel is best"  yep my mom has freaked out, from being surprised that we are actually engaged, to fact that we are not thinking in planning a wedding in less than 90 days.  I am sure she wants to say it....but I hear under her breathe...Are you outta your mind???

Parents have a way to being happy for you, and in the same sense, don't know how to handle the emotions that there is someone else, someone new there to take care of their child, it isn't just like leaving them at the babysitters, it is their new best friend, their new lifemate, and there new partner in life.  Sure parents will always be there, but their role changes and for some, they are not ready for that.  They can tell themselves that they are happy, but are they really.

Now for us ladies, imagine if you had a little boy, that grew up to be a handsome, intelligent young man, he meets the woman of his dreams.  Gets married.  Your little boy, is yours but he is not your child to reprimand, you better hope that you raised him to make the right choices in life, that he made the right choice in choosing his life partner, that he won't come to you for advice anymore, as he lives a life with someone else and moves on.   Are you ok with that?  Or is there a twinge of sadness, lost, and insecurities?  I think that it is a mourning time, and actions will be done that are not done intentionally.  hurtful things are going to be said, guilt trips, being passive they are all ways that some people cope. 

The thing in this, that the bible tells us as parents, that we need to be 'leaving and cleaving' as children we are aware and respectful of that, helping parents to see what that looks like.  As a new family, the groom needs to be able to help his mom work through it, as the bride, she needs to help her parents work through that transition.  that's why the groom asks who gives her over to the groom, the parents are releasing her and entrusting her groom to be that life partner, and experience a new life together.  In the same token, the groom's parents are trusting they have done what they can and experiencing a new experience, in gaining a daughter they never had and starting this life fresh and figuring out this new couple in their family.

I respect what our parents are going through, though the hurts and the expectations don't make the situation easier, I feel that in leaving and cleaving, honour the parents and respect the new couple addition to your family!

Recovery

So as I promised I was good, these last six weeks I have managed to milk it good...real good!  I still find that I am not fully back to where I want to be...but I am trying each day to feel normal and back together.

I had my follow up doctors appointment the other day...I woke up in the morning anxious and I don't get anxious very often but my mind was swirling.

I got to the doctors and for some reason the clinic was packed that day...but thankfully I made my way in then reality hit.  For some of you I didn't mention that a fibroid is a tumor, using that word makes everyone panic and then make me wonder things I shouldn't wonder.  But even being diagnosed with it and knowing it was a tumor, I keep remembering God's words.  Trust me...and know that you are my child.  I remember thinking in the 30 seconds that I had that God told me not to dwell on the negative and focus on serving Him, to be who He made me to be.   The doctor said to me, so you are probably wondering what we found in your tumor?  I tried not to have a blank stare flash across my face...because I completely forgot about that part of it.  As she shared the results, the tumor was completely free of any cancer.  That C word, is something I never thought I would come across in my life!  Hearing that it isn't there was a relief and being reminded of trusting God each step of the journey, is a promise that I would never forget.  It is so easy to fret, and so easy to be anxious but more importantly, those things are out of your control that you just have to give it up to God, and let Him take care of you, and let you live your life on the journey that He has for you. 

God is amazing that way, if you think that others are closing the doors for you...trust that God will show you that way out.  But often He will keep you there working with closed doors to show you that you are where He wants you to be.  You are not suffering and you are not to look for the way out, that would be too easy.  But trust that God will open doors, and that those that are closing them will seek out God.

God is always up to amazing things, He shows us in miracles that we don't think happen and He shows us through others and He uses you to share the stories of redepmtion.

The beginning of our Love Story!

So...Once upon a time...
 
It all started in November of 2011!
 
I am going to narrate the story as I see it, and Darcy will need to chime in his own. Ultimately we had the same ideas, not necessarily the same goals when that November came around.
 
I was content with being single, wink wink! If you really think that I wasn't...think again. I had gone and given up on men, ok not completely giving up but really wondering who was going to sweep me off my feet.  I remember, and this is a quote from my journal, saying "God, you really are going to need to surprise me with someone I least suspect and sweep me off my feet!"
 
But then there was this guy...named Darcy! He was quiet but witty, intellectual...but someone I found myself teasing or laughing with. Darcy well, was Darcy, the guy that you could find his nose in a book or walking around in a cycling kit, looking like he just came in from the Tour de France.
 
Then, there was me! Content with being busy, working full time, and finding pleasures in the little things! I was too busy to catch me with a book in my hands, and found most of my spare time poured into Starbucks, or ministry. I found ways to give back and love people.
 
Then Darcy, asks this unsuspecting young lady to supper!
 
Now, as I am getting ready for this Supper...I felt bad, I didn't want to go but something inside of me was like you really need to go. So, the something won out...and the part of me that didn't want to go says, you know you can always just tell him you want to be friends, the friend speech was ready, prepped and by this point I had it sounding wonderful.
 
So as we were at Supper talking and laughing and of course the teasing that I was only eating lettuce and getting to know each other. The something inside that didn't want to be there, had a change of heart, and the little voice inside...says, this is it put away your friend speech! Now, without sounding all dramatic, this was a physical change too. Darcy saw it, my eyes changed, as my heart was changed. Something about that evening together, swept me off my feet. I don't think I could've hid it if I tried.
 
So as we were getting use to each other being around, this Darcy decides how fun it would be to hide things on me! One night, as my schedules intertwined and I was from one thing to the next. He decides to hide my keys on me, and then I go on a mad hunt for them, he watched me notice that they were gone and I set out to look for them, I started retracing my steps through the whole entire church, out to the parking lot to my car and back. You know...I didn't hate him for it...I just thought of ways...that I could get him back! Not sure if he regrets taking the keys now, or thankful I stuck around for pay back!
 
I will tease Darcy every day until the end of our lives!

This was the start of our love story...
 
Since then we have had many adventures together, supporting each other in fun adventures of bike racing, learning aspects of the feed zone, and then driving around commissaries (I made a great volunteer at bike races, not to mention the coffee provisions) and then I getting a road bike for myself, learning the trails of Calgary, and heading out for a crazy ride from Lake Louise to almost Field! Life is fun and entertaining with us around. Relationships take compromise and in adjusting our lives together Darcy no longer hates the Canucks! But watching a Flames vs Canucks game with us...can be entertaining for all! And then the supporting each other through miserable times, like our friend Wilbur who was competing for attention in all this.
 
How it continues!
 
Well, for some those that keep wondering and thought it was rude to ask! Well, the ring is on the finger! No massage chair for anyone (sorry Youth boys) though it is a great idea to pair with the TV that Darcy has gained long term access to. Most of you know that I just recently had surgery, the story of Wilbur is in the post below. But he finally had his party and is now out of our lives forever! Darcy is now joking that he was going to propose just when I made it out of surgery, but something about me being drugged up, I am sure he wanted me to remember this moment. But that isn't what happened! There were also plans of heading out to the mountains this weekend, but due to mother nature and some crazy snowfall warning for the Calgary area, that wasn't going to happen.
 
It was a snowy April day in Calgary, and like Grandma use to say, make sure you have your boots handy! But I do have to add the weather this week has had to be less than desired. But Mother Nature did thwart the plans of extravagance to make it a moment that I love more than ever.
 
So the moment it happened, Friday April 12, 2013, the day was beautiful and chilly! During the afternoon, I was out with a friend for coffee, we were even talking about engagement as she is getting married on Monday evening and I was unsuspecting at that moment of anything happening. Even to the point that I thought I would crawl into bed to have a nap at 5 pm because I was a little tired. He was even nice enough to let me nap until 6, apparently I wasn't to fall asleep on him that night.
 
So our conversation went a little like this, D - did you sleep? J - not really? D - you ate? J - Lunch or Supper? D - Feel like getting dressed up? J - No sweats? D - No! (as I am still laying in bed, at this point, no urgency to get up) J - What time? D - On my way!
 
So, in the matter of time that he was on the way I managed to throw myself together! But I had it figured it out, a small detail of me being so intuitive sometimes, it was at this point, I was like...it is going to happen tonight! When Darcy showed up at the door, he came in with a mission, even leaving the door open. We headed into the house, and he says, well Mother Nature thwarted these plans, and I am not sure you can wait much longer! And he bends down to one knee...and pops a ring out of his pocket...and pops the question. After answering, 'Maybe tomorrow' I couldn't wait for a response; it was of course "YES!!!" (With exactly three exclamation marks) I am actually not sure how the ring ended up on my finger (smooth moves).  Darcy has made me so incredibly happy, and so amazed by God in this whole journey.
 
The fun part of all this, is realizing how our lives have most likely crossed since we were children, Darcy grew up in the same church that my Grandparents were a part of, I use to visit my grandma lots in Calgary, attending church with her. My Grandpa was a plumber back in the day, and he installed plumbing in Darcy's parent’s house. We realize we know the same people, in different circles of our lives, or our families are connected somehow.
 
It really is more than being swept off of my feet, it is God perfectly matching lives in the right time, in the right place.
 
This story is to be continued...as our journey moves forward and onward! With many adventures to come and thanks to all of you that have been along with us!

Miracles do Happen

So just a few months ago, I was praying for a miracle.  I didn't think this miracle would be a complete healing of my body...nor would this foreign lump inside of me magically disappear.  It was more of a miracle that God would reveal something huge to me.  Well ... like I have mentioned many times before...be careful...what you wish for.

When I left work a few months ago...I thought the doctors were silly to think that I had something only 7 cm inside of me.  I was sure that it had to be at least 10 cm.  Now...many people have told me that they have cysts or fibroid that are larger than mine, I didn't think this was a competition.  Now the question is...how did I not know I had something gigiantic trying to be a part of me.

This last week was an adventurous week leading up until the surgery.  I got this nasty cough and cold that was going around...just bam I was hit hard and down for the count.  In the back of my mind...I was like...is God trying to show me that I really need to learn what it is to relax and rest.  Well...it worked.  I was anxious to get moving but that was only because I had a list of things that I wanted to clear up before I was laid up, more of making sure the house was clean, laundry done, etc.  I also had surgery prep.  Which required no medications, pain meds, and other good stuff.  Let's just say...it wasn't as ugly as it could've been.  Wilbur was causing me pain all week...it was like a house guest making sure there was a reminder of what the pain felt like...that I know I wouldn't miss.  My sinuses and chest was congested until Tuesday evening this week and Wednesday morning, I woke up like being sick was just last year.

The trip to the hospital was quiet...lots of unknowns.  I really was trying not to have anxiety get the best of me.  Darcy and I were trying to have fun...guessing how many friends I could make in my day in the hospital.  Laughing about how overly persistant I was with the blood lab people that they really didn't want my blood.  And then sucking up to the surgeons...who I might add were the best surgeons ever.  I will just mention how they were awesome... Then as surgery was delayed 2 hours, Darcy helped pass the time in talking about what he was going to eat for breakfast once I got in.  (I think that backfired and only made him more hungry waiting).

I have to say that morning and all the messages that came in pouring over my cell phone was just what I needed.  Throughout the morning and how serious the nurses were talking...and the surgeons, I turned to Darcy and I was like for some reason this keeps sounding more serious than I am thinking and I was pretty anxious about it all, already.  He agreed.  But in that moment, I was blessed.  Blessed to know that God knew my body and He got me this far without worse things happening and that whatever was to happen was in His plans.

I entertained the nurses and doctors up and until they drugged me up.  I remember now that I still wanted to joke around but sadly the party was over when I fell asleep on them.  I did get a good laugh out of them all when they asked me what I was there for.  And besides the urges to tell them that I was having toe surgery.  I let them know that they were removing Wilbur.  If I was them when they saw that thing coming out...I would've not been surprised that we named the lump.

Short story on Wilbur, in September when they found the lovely lump, someone mentioned for something that big you should name it.  It became great because it was a good code to use in asking how I felt most day.  Some days Darcy and I would hate Wilbur and somedays I wondered where he went (don't worry...he wasn't missed that often)  And for those that were wondering, yep I could feel Wilbur from just above my pelvis bone with my fingers, I was curious one night and after causing me to almost pass out I left him alone.

So recovery was good.  I was pretty groggy and in pain but this is the moment I will never forget.  My surgeons...Kendra and Claudia (up even on a first name bases) came up.  She looks me straight in the eyes, and all wide eyed she says seriously.  "Joelle, the fibroid was 'much' larger than any of us expected and what the ultrasound showed"  It was 15 cm by 7 cm and then...she shows me a picture.  Now usually time in recovery is a blur but remember the picture, the look on her face...and the painkillers. 

When I got back to the unit and Darcy arrived I had to tell him to see his reaction...Wilbur was the size of a small child.  He was just amazed.  Later that night...when I had made good friends with the evening nurses, I asked to see the picture in my chart.  The nurse was even, that is huge.  It was so crazy.  I am still amazed at the size.

I came up with this update...

Good news is that my alien baby delivered early this afternoon! Sadly, he didn't last very long! He was a big boy and rather larger than everyone expected coming in at a whooping 15 cm and 7 cm wide! That's a whole 6 inches by 3 inches! In comparison the uterus is normally 3 inches in diameter! I know too much information!

Now...I spent the night at the hospital trying to think...what would come close to comparing that size to put it into perspective.  I came up with two grapefruits...a large zuchinini and then I started to google the size of a football, but that was a little large (we were thinking more of a size of a youth football)  So last night, I had a thought...and now I am actually just wanting to go to the grocery store for this...but I think one the of the Pillsbury Dough baking treats (the tube of cinnamon buns)...would be pretty similar in size.

The night in the hospital was a little rough, my body seemingly was going through adjustments and adjusting to the gas that was trying to escape from my body (they pump me full of CO2).  Another important lesson was that just advil alone...is not a miracle drug.  Things hurt that for the amount of pain I have been in...I couldn't handle now.  I was the annoying patient at night...that it seemed just as everyone went to sleep my body wanted to party.  By 3 in the morning, I had other patients asking how I was doing.  And by that point I was sure the nurses hated me.  I apologized all night...even as I was refusing the morphine (my body couldn't handle it, my vitals would drop dangerously low) but I think they wanted me to stop complaining. 

By morning...I did actually get a little sleep and everyone was back...the blood lab came...I was a little nicer about why they were taking more blood again (this time I learned it would allow me to go home).  And later in the morning was discharged home.  I was eager to get home. 

I was looking forward to sleeping and having access to my own painkillers.  I know some of you know that I don't like meds that much...but I was more on top of this than the nurses at most point in the hospital.  I wasn't allowed to post this story on Facebook...but my mom almost passed out.  Apparently she can't handle her daughter in pain, and on Wednesday night, the nurses wanted me to get up and I of course was a little stubborn and convinced them that I was good hanging out in bed(yep I even waited until my bladder was about to burst) ok...I guess I can flat out admit...I am stubborn.  Well on Wednesday...I went from surgery to just Advil.  I felt fine...if I didn't have to get out of bed.  well...a mixture of my own stupidity about two minutes later I was demanding the painkillers.  And then I was like...mom can you grab me water...well she never reacted...so I was like 'mom?' I look down my bed...and here she is with her head hanging over the rails of my bed, white, and sweaty...so as the nurses are making sure I am comfy...I was like...ah do you think you can get my mom some ice water?  Then I was trying to take care of mom from bed...and yep she almost fainted.  And then after we had a good laugh...she looks at me...and says in her good mom voice...Joelle, this is not to end up on Facebook!

So back to Miracles do happen...the awesome news is that yeah I had a huge gigantic tumor inside of  me but in all that it could've been worse.  I am healthy, I already have energy I didn't have two weeks ago.  It didn't grow inside of my uterus, causing damage or making it unusable.  I am fortunate that it was found.  For those that have known me for a while I always get hit with something strange, it would bring me down for a few months and then I would bounce back.  Or have a day that I can barely function, and most would convince me that it was stress (just so you know, I never was convinced of that).  Every time it would be different so it was nothing connecting the dots to this.  And thankful that I started cycling with Darcy, I would've never thought it was as serious or painful until the fun moments of almost passing out on the bike wouldn't validate a trip to the doctor to actually find something.  I didn't expect that there would be any great healing, God didn't have that in mind when he wanted to bless me with the reality of that there really was something that wasn't normal inside of you.  And it makes for a great story...I have a new really crazy story to tell.  And a you wouldn't believe it...

I have been given strict instructions to take it easy...and to reassure everyone I promise to take it easy I will ask for help and if I don't, I give permission for people to bug me. 

I also appreciate those that have stopped by even with food to make sure I eat.  Yesterday I managed to convince myself that I ate lots.  Well as it turns out...reality is now I don't think I did.  Darcy and mom left me for the afternoon and Jill and Brendan showed up with chili and scones.  I was like...I ate half, some of the chili and half a scone...well when there are leftovers involved and if anyone looked after, there was about 1/4 cup of chili gone and two bites of the scone.  It makes for a good laugh when I innocently thought I did really good.  Even those that have sent text messages, it is great!  Darcy has been fabulous...we have a chart for pain killers and even though the first day I was home...we both had crashed and fell asleep on couches downstairs, we both needed it.  We looked like a huge weight was lifted off both of us (about 15 cm of weight).  We are looking forward to things getting back to normal so we can hit the ground running or as we cyclist look at it...hit the road riding.  Darcy is already thinking I am going to crush him this Summer on the bike, I have been mentally training by watching all the Tours and Classic racing on TV, so watch out.

Thanks again for all the prayers and encouragement.  You all are awesome! I am open for visitors, it is great to make the days go by faster.  I am up for coffee or tea!

A little of this and that...

So, the countdown is on. 

It is only 2 weeks away for surgery...I have been feeling great and rested but really can't wait for surgery.

Surgery is scheduled for March 27th and if anyone is looking to hang out that week, you are welcome to come over to hang out and keep me company; the door will be open for you.
To this point I don't know if it is only going to be day surgery or more. So, the joys of the unknowns...
But looking forward to the adventures that are coming up!

This is short...and sweet!