Recovery

So as I promised I was good, these last six weeks I have managed to milk it good...real good!  I still find that I am not fully back to where I want to be...but I am trying each day to feel normal and back together.

I had my follow up doctors appointment the other day...I woke up in the morning anxious and I don't get anxious very often but my mind was swirling.

I got to the doctors and for some reason the clinic was packed that day...but thankfully I made my way in then reality hit.  For some of you I didn't mention that a fibroid is a tumor, using that word makes everyone panic and then make me wonder things I shouldn't wonder.  But even being diagnosed with it and knowing it was a tumor, I keep remembering God's words.  Trust me...and know that you are my child.  I remember thinking in the 30 seconds that I had that God told me not to dwell on the negative and focus on serving Him, to be who He made me to be.   The doctor said to me, so you are probably wondering what we found in your tumor?  I tried not to have a blank stare flash across my face...because I completely forgot about that part of it.  As she shared the results, the tumor was completely free of any cancer.  That C word, is something I never thought I would come across in my life!  Hearing that it isn't there was a relief and being reminded of trusting God each step of the journey, is a promise that I would never forget.  It is so easy to fret, and so easy to be anxious but more importantly, those things are out of your control that you just have to give it up to God, and let Him take care of you, and let you live your life on the journey that He has for you. 

God is amazing that way, if you think that others are closing the doors for you...trust that God will show you that way out.  But often He will keep you there working with closed doors to show you that you are where He wants you to be.  You are not suffering and you are not to look for the way out, that would be too easy.  But trust that God will open doors, and that those that are closing them will seek out God.

God is always up to amazing things, He shows us in miracles that we don't think happen and He shows us through others and He uses you to share the stories of redepmtion.

The beginning of our Love Story!

So...Once upon a time...
 
It all started in November of 2011!
 
I am going to narrate the story as I see it, and Darcy will need to chime in his own. Ultimately we had the same ideas, not necessarily the same goals when that November came around.
 
I was content with being single, wink wink! If you really think that I wasn't...think again. I had gone and given up on men, ok not completely giving up but really wondering who was going to sweep me off my feet.  I remember, and this is a quote from my journal, saying "God, you really are going to need to surprise me with someone I least suspect and sweep me off my feet!"
 
But then there was this guy...named Darcy! He was quiet but witty, intellectual...but someone I found myself teasing or laughing with. Darcy well, was Darcy, the guy that you could find his nose in a book or walking around in a cycling kit, looking like he just came in from the Tour de France.
 
Then, there was me! Content with being busy, working full time, and finding pleasures in the little things! I was too busy to catch me with a book in my hands, and found most of my spare time poured into Starbucks, or ministry. I found ways to give back and love people.
 
Then Darcy, asks this unsuspecting young lady to supper!
 
Now, as I am getting ready for this Supper...I felt bad, I didn't want to go but something inside of me was like you really need to go. So, the something won out...and the part of me that didn't want to go says, you know you can always just tell him you want to be friends, the friend speech was ready, prepped and by this point I had it sounding wonderful.
 
So as we were at Supper talking and laughing and of course the teasing that I was only eating lettuce and getting to know each other. The something inside that didn't want to be there, had a change of heart, and the little voice inside...says, this is it put away your friend speech! Now, without sounding all dramatic, this was a physical change too. Darcy saw it, my eyes changed, as my heart was changed. Something about that evening together, swept me off my feet. I don't think I could've hid it if I tried.
 
So as we were getting use to each other being around, this Darcy decides how fun it would be to hide things on me! One night, as my schedules intertwined and I was from one thing to the next. He decides to hide my keys on me, and then I go on a mad hunt for them, he watched me notice that they were gone and I set out to look for them, I started retracing my steps through the whole entire church, out to the parking lot to my car and back. You know...I didn't hate him for it...I just thought of ways...that I could get him back! Not sure if he regrets taking the keys now, or thankful I stuck around for pay back!
 
I will tease Darcy every day until the end of our lives!

This was the start of our love story...
 
Since then we have had many adventures together, supporting each other in fun adventures of bike racing, learning aspects of the feed zone, and then driving around commissaries (I made a great volunteer at bike races, not to mention the coffee provisions) and then I getting a road bike for myself, learning the trails of Calgary, and heading out for a crazy ride from Lake Louise to almost Field! Life is fun and entertaining with us around. Relationships take compromise and in adjusting our lives together Darcy no longer hates the Canucks! But watching a Flames vs Canucks game with us...can be entertaining for all! And then the supporting each other through miserable times, like our friend Wilbur who was competing for attention in all this.
 
How it continues!
 
Well, for some those that keep wondering and thought it was rude to ask! Well, the ring is on the finger! No massage chair for anyone (sorry Youth boys) though it is a great idea to pair with the TV that Darcy has gained long term access to. Most of you know that I just recently had surgery, the story of Wilbur is in the post below. But he finally had his party and is now out of our lives forever! Darcy is now joking that he was going to propose just when I made it out of surgery, but something about me being drugged up, I am sure he wanted me to remember this moment. But that isn't what happened! There were also plans of heading out to the mountains this weekend, but due to mother nature and some crazy snowfall warning for the Calgary area, that wasn't going to happen.
 
It was a snowy April day in Calgary, and like Grandma use to say, make sure you have your boots handy! But I do have to add the weather this week has had to be less than desired. But Mother Nature did thwart the plans of extravagance to make it a moment that I love more than ever.
 
So the moment it happened, Friday April 12, 2013, the day was beautiful and chilly! During the afternoon, I was out with a friend for coffee, we were even talking about engagement as she is getting married on Monday evening and I was unsuspecting at that moment of anything happening. Even to the point that I thought I would crawl into bed to have a nap at 5 pm because I was a little tired. He was even nice enough to let me nap until 6, apparently I wasn't to fall asleep on him that night.
 
So our conversation went a little like this, D - did you sleep? J - not really? D - you ate? J - Lunch or Supper? D - Feel like getting dressed up? J - No sweats? D - No! (as I am still laying in bed, at this point, no urgency to get up) J - What time? D - On my way!
 
So, in the matter of time that he was on the way I managed to throw myself together! But I had it figured it out, a small detail of me being so intuitive sometimes, it was at this point, I was like...it is going to happen tonight! When Darcy showed up at the door, he came in with a mission, even leaving the door open. We headed into the house, and he says, well Mother Nature thwarted these plans, and I am not sure you can wait much longer! And he bends down to one knee...and pops a ring out of his pocket...and pops the question. After answering, 'Maybe tomorrow' I couldn't wait for a response; it was of course "YES!!!" (With exactly three exclamation marks) I am actually not sure how the ring ended up on my finger (smooth moves).  Darcy has made me so incredibly happy, and so amazed by God in this whole journey.
 
The fun part of all this, is realizing how our lives have most likely crossed since we were children, Darcy grew up in the same church that my Grandparents were a part of, I use to visit my grandma lots in Calgary, attending church with her. My Grandpa was a plumber back in the day, and he installed plumbing in Darcy's parent’s house. We realize we know the same people, in different circles of our lives, or our families are connected somehow.
 
It really is more than being swept off of my feet, it is God perfectly matching lives in the right time, in the right place.
 
This story is to be continued...as our journey moves forward and onward! With many adventures to come and thanks to all of you that have been along with us!

Miracles do Happen

So just a few months ago, I was praying for a miracle.  I didn't think this miracle would be a complete healing of my body...nor would this foreign lump inside of me magically disappear.  It was more of a miracle that God would reveal something huge to me.  Well ... like I have mentioned many times before...be careful...what you wish for.

When I left work a few months ago...I thought the doctors were silly to think that I had something only 7 cm inside of me.  I was sure that it had to be at least 10 cm.  Now...many people have told me that they have cysts or fibroid that are larger than mine, I didn't think this was a competition.  Now the question is...how did I not know I had something gigiantic trying to be a part of me.

This last week was an adventurous week leading up until the surgery.  I got this nasty cough and cold that was going around...just bam I was hit hard and down for the count.  In the back of my mind...I was like...is God trying to show me that I really need to learn what it is to relax and rest.  Well...it worked.  I was anxious to get moving but that was only because I had a list of things that I wanted to clear up before I was laid up, more of making sure the house was clean, laundry done, etc.  I also had surgery prep.  Which required no medications, pain meds, and other good stuff.  Let's just say...it wasn't as ugly as it could've been.  Wilbur was causing me pain all week...it was like a house guest making sure there was a reminder of what the pain felt like...that I know I wouldn't miss.  My sinuses and chest was congested until Tuesday evening this week and Wednesday morning, I woke up like being sick was just last year.

The trip to the hospital was quiet...lots of unknowns.  I really was trying not to have anxiety get the best of me.  Darcy and I were trying to have fun...guessing how many friends I could make in my day in the hospital.  Laughing about how overly persistant I was with the blood lab people that they really didn't want my blood.  And then sucking up to the surgeons...who I might add were the best surgeons ever.  I will just mention how they were awesome... Then as surgery was delayed 2 hours, Darcy helped pass the time in talking about what he was going to eat for breakfast once I got in.  (I think that backfired and only made him more hungry waiting).

I have to say that morning and all the messages that came in pouring over my cell phone was just what I needed.  Throughout the morning and how serious the nurses were talking...and the surgeons, I turned to Darcy and I was like for some reason this keeps sounding more serious than I am thinking and I was pretty anxious about it all, already.  He agreed.  But in that moment, I was blessed.  Blessed to know that God knew my body and He got me this far without worse things happening and that whatever was to happen was in His plans.

I entertained the nurses and doctors up and until they drugged me up.  I remember now that I still wanted to joke around but sadly the party was over when I fell asleep on them.  I did get a good laugh out of them all when they asked me what I was there for.  And besides the urges to tell them that I was having toe surgery.  I let them know that they were removing Wilbur.  If I was them when they saw that thing coming out...I would've not been surprised that we named the lump.

Short story on Wilbur, in September when they found the lovely lump, someone mentioned for something that big you should name it.  It became great because it was a good code to use in asking how I felt most day.  Some days Darcy and I would hate Wilbur and somedays I wondered where he went (don't worry...he wasn't missed that often)  And for those that were wondering, yep I could feel Wilbur from just above my pelvis bone with my fingers, I was curious one night and after causing me to almost pass out I left him alone.

So recovery was good.  I was pretty groggy and in pain but this is the moment I will never forget.  My surgeons...Kendra and Claudia (up even on a first name bases) came up.  She looks me straight in the eyes, and all wide eyed she says seriously.  "Joelle, the fibroid was 'much' larger than any of us expected and what the ultrasound showed"  It was 15 cm by 7 cm and then...she shows me a picture.  Now usually time in recovery is a blur but remember the picture, the look on her face...and the painkillers. 

When I got back to the unit and Darcy arrived I had to tell him to see his reaction...Wilbur was the size of a small child.  He was just amazed.  Later that night...when I had made good friends with the evening nurses, I asked to see the picture in my chart.  The nurse was even, that is huge.  It was so crazy.  I am still amazed at the size.

I came up with this update...

Good news is that my alien baby delivered early this afternoon! Sadly, he didn't last very long! He was a big boy and rather larger than everyone expected coming in at a whooping 15 cm and 7 cm wide! That's a whole 6 inches by 3 inches! In comparison the uterus is normally 3 inches in diameter! I know too much information!

Now...I spent the night at the hospital trying to think...what would come close to comparing that size to put it into perspective.  I came up with two grapefruits...a large zuchinini and then I started to google the size of a football, but that was a little large (we were thinking more of a size of a youth football)  So last night, I had a thought...and now I am actually just wanting to go to the grocery store for this...but I think one the of the Pillsbury Dough baking treats (the tube of cinnamon buns)...would be pretty similar in size.

The night in the hospital was a little rough, my body seemingly was going through adjustments and adjusting to the gas that was trying to escape from my body (they pump me full of CO2).  Another important lesson was that just advil alone...is not a miracle drug.  Things hurt that for the amount of pain I have been in...I couldn't handle now.  I was the annoying patient at night...that it seemed just as everyone went to sleep my body wanted to party.  By 3 in the morning, I had other patients asking how I was doing.  And by that point I was sure the nurses hated me.  I apologized all night...even as I was refusing the morphine (my body couldn't handle it, my vitals would drop dangerously low) but I think they wanted me to stop complaining. 

By morning...I did actually get a little sleep and everyone was back...the blood lab came...I was a little nicer about why they were taking more blood again (this time I learned it would allow me to go home).  And later in the morning was discharged home.  I was eager to get home. 

I was looking forward to sleeping and having access to my own painkillers.  I know some of you know that I don't like meds that much...but I was more on top of this than the nurses at most point in the hospital.  I wasn't allowed to post this story on Facebook...but my mom almost passed out.  Apparently she can't handle her daughter in pain, and on Wednesday night, the nurses wanted me to get up and I of course was a little stubborn and convinced them that I was good hanging out in bed(yep I even waited until my bladder was about to burst) ok...I guess I can flat out admit...I am stubborn.  Well on Wednesday...I went from surgery to just Advil.  I felt fine...if I didn't have to get out of bed.  well...a mixture of my own stupidity about two minutes later I was demanding the painkillers.  And then I was like...mom can you grab me water...well she never reacted...so I was like 'mom?' I look down my bed...and here she is with her head hanging over the rails of my bed, white, and sweaty...so as the nurses are making sure I am comfy...I was like...ah do you think you can get my mom some ice water?  Then I was trying to take care of mom from bed...and yep she almost fainted.  And then after we had a good laugh...she looks at me...and says in her good mom voice...Joelle, this is not to end up on Facebook!

So back to Miracles do happen...the awesome news is that yeah I had a huge gigantic tumor inside of  me but in all that it could've been worse.  I am healthy, I already have energy I didn't have two weeks ago.  It didn't grow inside of my uterus, causing damage or making it unusable.  I am fortunate that it was found.  For those that have known me for a while I always get hit with something strange, it would bring me down for a few months and then I would bounce back.  Or have a day that I can barely function, and most would convince me that it was stress (just so you know, I never was convinced of that).  Every time it would be different so it was nothing connecting the dots to this.  And thankful that I started cycling with Darcy, I would've never thought it was as serious or painful until the fun moments of almost passing out on the bike wouldn't validate a trip to the doctor to actually find something.  I didn't expect that there would be any great healing, God didn't have that in mind when he wanted to bless me with the reality of that there really was something that wasn't normal inside of you.  And it makes for a great story...I have a new really crazy story to tell.  And a you wouldn't believe it...

I have been given strict instructions to take it easy...and to reassure everyone I promise to take it easy I will ask for help and if I don't, I give permission for people to bug me. 

I also appreciate those that have stopped by even with food to make sure I eat.  Yesterday I managed to convince myself that I ate lots.  Well as it turns out...reality is now I don't think I did.  Darcy and mom left me for the afternoon and Jill and Brendan showed up with chili and scones.  I was like...I ate half, some of the chili and half a scone...well when there are leftovers involved and if anyone looked after, there was about 1/4 cup of chili gone and two bites of the scone.  It makes for a good laugh when I innocently thought I did really good.  Even those that have sent text messages, it is great!  Darcy has been fabulous...we have a chart for pain killers and even though the first day I was home...we both had crashed and fell asleep on couches downstairs, we both needed it.  We looked like a huge weight was lifted off both of us (about 15 cm of weight).  We are looking forward to things getting back to normal so we can hit the ground running or as we cyclist look at it...hit the road riding.  Darcy is already thinking I am going to crush him this Summer on the bike, I have been mentally training by watching all the Tours and Classic racing on TV, so watch out.

Thanks again for all the prayers and encouragement.  You all are awesome! I am open for visitors, it is great to make the days go by faster.  I am up for coffee or tea!

A little of this and that...

So, the countdown is on. 

It is only 2 weeks away for surgery...I have been feeling great and rested but really can't wait for surgery.

Surgery is scheduled for March 27th and if anyone is looking to hang out that week, you are welcome to come over to hang out and keep me company; the door will be open for you.
To this point I don't know if it is only going to be day surgery or more. So, the joys of the unknowns...
But looking forward to the adventures that are coming up!

This is short...and sweet!

Israel 2012

Ok, so each time I go to do this post...I get distracted...only because I sit there looking at pictures, or I have started in on a photo album...so I much rather of looking at the memories.

But now...I think I have put that all aside, I have a day off...and a cup of coffee and now it is time to enjoy my journey of Israel! 

May 2012 was a great month! Our church hosts a trip to Israel every two years and it is the most amazing trip ever! Each time I heard about it in the past, I was like I should do that! But then I noticed that there seemed to be something that got in the way each time. When I returned home from Kenya, I was like...in two years...I am going on this trip no matter what! And I made up my mind, and I was doing this. 

It turns out that we had a great bunch of friends that also were going. There was Christa, Laura, Stephen and Peter. This made a little possum of older but younger in the group, considering that there was 92 of us, and about 20 were under the age of 40...gives a little perspective on the culture. It was fun; I managed to make friends with almost most of the group! Blue bus and green bus! I seemed to be well known no matter what. 

It could be because of this...

A little practical joke done by Youth Ministries....as we got Gwen and Vidette on board with a little Team Henry fan club action! Yep, I wore my Team Henry shirt all the way to Tel Aviv...seriously, crazy times! The security guard in Frankfurt was like who is the dude on your shirt! I pointed out Henry and said...it’s our group leader, super cool dude! Surprised that he didn't get stopped! This then caused others in our group to be like, can I get a photo of you...not sure how many photos there are of me running around this group! 

Day 1

Well, after a long day of traveling, we flew from Calgary to Toronto, to Frankfurt to Tel Aviv, we finally arrived. Got off the airplane and started our tour! BAM! It was off to a running start!

We went to a spot that overlooked the shores of the Mediterranean Sea and just outside of Tel Aviv city centre from Old Jaffa, we could see everything, it was truly amazing to sit there as we pretty much just landed and were there! Jaffa was a place where it was mentioned in the Hebrew bible four times, but pretty much the hub for ships and most traveled. The tribe of Dan mainly worked along the coast building ships!

That night we were in Herod's hotel...Herod wasn't there but the hotel was! This was the start of Israeli buffets...food galore!

That night was a trip out to the beach...to enjoy the Mediterranean Sea, no one got baptized in the sea that night!  But lets just say that my previously straight hair for the flights...was now fairly curly and frizz! 

Day 2

On the bus again, off to Caesarea...on our way to Tiberas and the Sea of Galilee.

Caesarea was built by Herod that just went on forever, there was the theatre, hippodrome and then the shipyard...that was built in the Meditterean but was destroyed early on by a Tsunami (they believe).  In the times of the Roman, there was also an adequate duct that was built that was pretty amazing too.

We then made a stop at Mt. Carmel, the point that I remember...wind and sun burn...ok that isn't all but it was close! 

We still had another stop on this trip to Tiberas and the Sea of Gaililee.. 

Day 3

Tel Dan, on the border of Lebanon and Israel, it was the Northern most tip of Israel, you could literally hop on over to the other side!

We also stopped off at Banias Spring, Golan Hights which was a lookout over to Syria, where you could see the United Nations compound.

The the last stop of the day was at Mount of Beattitudes. 

Day 4

We started our Sunday morning on the Jesus Worship Boat on the Sea of Galilee.  Um...I don't think I can say anything I am thinking about this experience.

Jesus Boat Museum, this was pretty cool!  There was a boat that they found in the Sea of Gaililee that they have preserved the wood.  We stopped for lunch at St. Peter's fish, so ever have your fish look back at you while you eat it?  Church of Cana, where 10 couples renewed their Wedding Vows.  And Mount Arbel, on the way back to Tiberas as the we made this stop, as it was the mountain that Jesus would climb to the top to have time to pray!

Day 5

On our way to Jerusalem, we stopped off at the edge of the Sea of Gaililee for baptisms in the Jordan River.  There was about 50 Baptisms...it was cool to see families that would get together in this step of obedience.  We then made our way to Gideon's spring, it was beautiful little place.  Beit Shean was impressive, it was so hot that day there was so much of it to see!

We then made the luxurious journey into Jerusalem, to stop off at Mt Scopus to share with the group having communion and praying over the city.  As we were travelling into the city, Roni our tour guide was playing some a song, "Oh Jerusalem" and just as we entered the tunnel that lead into the city, somehow I had a couple large bottles of water that decided to jump out...and make a loud noise totally disrupting 'the moment'.

Day 6

Today was a dry day...in essence, we went out to the dessert to visit, the site where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found, Masada, even though we got caught in rain.  En Gedi, where it was dessert until we got to the Springs, it was beautiful! The highlight of the day was swimming in the Dead Sea, even though it was a crappy day it was fun floating and getting mud all over!

Day 7

Jerusalem, we got into the city today, and walked down to the Garden of Gethsemane, the highlight of the day was sitting on the steps to the temple where Jesus preached.

That night we made our way up to Mt Scopus for a walk, and yes we got lost on the way up.  Steve thought I knew where we were going, and I thought that he knew.  So needless to say, we wondered around for a bit before we finally found our destination.  Jerusalem is beautiful at night.

Day 8

We went back inside the city Walls today, hitting the Jewish Quarters today, saw lots of underground ruins.  did you know that there are 29 layers to Jerusalem, through each layer of history.  We went to the Burnt House which was from the time of Pharoh when they came to destroy the city where the priests were living.  From there we were at the Western Wall, where the Jews go to pray and then made our way underground into the tunnels, there is a whole other layer of history.

Day 9

Our day started pretty early, we were set out to the Dome of the Rock, and the Temple of the Mount very Islamic but there were nasty bugs that swarmed around only on this site in the city.  We then made our way to the church of the Holy Sepulchre.  That night, we went back to David's Tower for a light show, it displayed the history of Israel.

Day 10

We went to the Dead Sea Scrolls Museum, but funny enough...the dead sea scrolls were on tour in North America.  We then went to the Holocaust museum...wow what an emotional day, it was sad. Final Stop was the Menorah

Day 11

Our last day was amazing.  The Garden Tomb wehre we did some more singing and communion.

That night we celebrated our journey together at supper and packed up and flew out.  It was a long day, we headed back to Tel Aviv that night and on our way to the airport.  It was a good thing I had a nap during the day!

The airport experience was crazy and makes for a funny story.  Lets just say that it was hours of security and thank goodness our flight was delayed by the time I got there it was close.  I think we counted that we stood in five or six line ups.  And after getting our passports taken away, and holding up security we finally made it on the airplane. 

The worse experience was getting sick on the flight home, I don't recommend having stuffed up sinuses while flying.

Our stop over in Montreal, was great...the weather was beautiful and we headed into tour the city!  Steve and I after sharing some poutine...we rented bicycles and rode our way through the city. 

Finally home...late Sunday night!  We arrived in Calgary!  Whew...

It was a great experience overall, saw so much.  Cool to see places that we have talked about and cool to see places that Jesus was during his ministry.

Sorry this blog post is so late...it was something that I have been working on and off for the last few months.

It's a good news... bad news day!

Well, I have good news and bad news!

First off I would like to thank you all for your prayers and your encouragement over the last few months. For some of you that are new to the loop, sorry I may have missed you! But for those new to the loop, here is the brief down low. Back in September a lump was found in my uterus, that was 7 cm in size and was causing me a great deal of pain. I went to see the specialist in November, and felt very discouraged as they didn't seem keen on doing surgery. They put me on drugs, hoping that the problem would heal itself, or what some would say...just masked the problem, in hoping that it took away the pain but also being put on pain killers that made me just slightly silly! They explained the risk of surgery, was that complications would lead to a possible hysterectory because of its location and size, thus making the drugs the better option. Many have asked me what the pain feels like, its hard to describe but imagine a foreign object sitting in the middle of your organs trying to grow, pushing and being uncomfortable in the midst of it, I would almost say like a tennis ball size uncomfortable.

This week I got great news. I went to see the doctor on monday, I had pushed my appt up from February because I was ready to have surgery. I have been more disappointed that I have been unable to function as I want to, I haven't been able to get out cycling, or skiing, and I have cut back in my working at Starbucks and limited to what I can do at the church. The doctor, this time, was pro-surgery I barely had opened my mouth and he was like, are you going to do this or not? So the good news, I have surgery booked for March 27. And, this time the doctor described it totally different, the lump is actually protruding outside of my uterus, but attached to it still, but less complicated and it is possible that it will be done in a quick day surgery procedure or it is possible that it will be a full surgery deal.

The not so great news, is that I am off of work at the church and on medical leave as of February 1st until after my surgery, until possibly May.

So continued prayers would be great! Definitely for rest and some patience...I have a feeling I will be bored in the first few weeks!

Darcy and I are very excited and feeling great about this and can't wait for this to be over!

Thank you all!